My day was not so great. I am feeling sniffly and scratchy-throated. Two of my three children are teething, and understandably not happy. Swimming lessons are throwing our normal down time all out of whack, and the kids (and mommy) are getting tired. I felt like chores were piling up, and could feel myself slipping right back into frantic, discouraged mode.
I found myself outside with my kids, feeling like I really should be back inside, being productive. I had to keep reminding myself – this time is allocated for down time. There is nothing I am supposed to be doing except sitting right here.
And of course, as I sat in the breeze and watched my kids play, I realized that it had been over a week since I’d been able to do this. The time has been filled with good things; but not the things that nurture who I am as a woman and as a mother. In trying to facilitate relaxed, easy time with my kids, I’ve been missing the actual moments. I’ve been concentrating on the logistics. Again.
Concentrating on packing the swimming bag the night before, so I’m not rushed in the morning; building a swing set so my kids can play. Things that are well intentioned, but have gotten out of balance.
So I sat outside with my kids. I watched my oldest “test the roof of the swing set, to see if it’s dense.” Using a stick with an empty bubble jar, as his “dense tester.” (And he reports back that yes, it is dense.) Breathing in my baby’s sweet milk breathe. Watching my little girl water herself, instead of the strawberries.
It is hard to see this time as important. But it is crucial to me, and I need to make sure I am making it a priority, not an afterthought.