Iveyrock

Now that I have firmly acclimated to life without naps, my children have spontaneously starting napping again.

I am having a little bit of trouble adjusting. I am struggling to figure out a good way to get some of my chores done, when the kids aren’t waking up until almost dinner time. Since they stay up later, I don’t have time in the evenings to unwind, plan for the next day, blog…

But, that time in the evenings means we can have spontaneous trips to the library

Spontaneous trips to the park

And time together as a family

Today, Micah is 6 months old. Like all mothers, I can’t believe the he has grown so old, so fast.

He was born at home, with his brother and sister here to welcome him. He was a laid back little boy, and had a little trouble gaining weight, because he didn’t want to wake up and eat.

Now he is off the charts for both weight and height. He is a happy little boy, and he loves to smile at people. He is trying so hard to learn to crawl; he knows that there’s a better way to move around, but he can’t quite figure out how to coordinate the arms and legs. He likes to play with anything he can find, and he can roll or scoot himself where he wants to go. He has added so much to our family already, I am excited to see how he grows and changes over the years.

This time last year, I was spiraling downwards pretty quickly. Undiagnosed PPD, pregnancy hormones, and exhaustion. The worst part was that since my friends and family all live a good distance away, I felt completely isolated. I was afraid that if I really lost it, there would be no one there to know, let alone pick up the pieces.

This is the week that things went downhill rapidly, to my lowest point. This week I talked to my family about how out of control I was feeling. This week last year is when things started to turn around.

As I am sitting here typing, with my baby sleeping next to me, I remember so clearly where I was last year. I remember trying to imagine the baby I was carrying, and wondering who he or she would be. I think about what a smiley baby Micah is, and how he came into our lives at the perfect time. His birth has brought me full circle, and I am so much healthier than I’ve been in a long time. It is still a process, every day; but I am hopeful and happy.

Some of the things that are helping right now are:

Taking my supplements every day. Fish oil, prenatals, Vitamin B.

Getting outside as much as possible

Making time to nurture myself. Taking time to rest, time to recharge, time to think, time to create. Keeping this blog, to keep myself accountable.

Knowing that my husband and my family are supporting me and loving me. Consciously reaching out to them when I start to feel isolated.

Making it my biggest priority to spend time every day just being with my kids. Not thinking about the future, not hashing over the past. Being right with them, where they are and where I am.

Postpartum Depression is a serious thing, and I think it affects far more people than anyone likes to talk about. I don’t want to downplay how serious it is, and I am only listing the things that I am doing to maintain where I am right now. There were other steps that I took over the last year (with the help of my family). Depression is old hat for me, but this time it manifested as debilitating anxiety. It feels perfectly reasonable in the moment, and it can take so much of your energy, and your enjoyment of life. The past year has been quite a journey. I am so thankful to be celebrating this week with my baby; remembering where I am coming from and excited about where I am going.